The Lighter Side:
Realtor Speak

Realtors have been accused of occasionally embroidering reality.
In their enthusiasm to sell a property, agents sometimes put a positive spin on the facts.
Their descriptions may be euphemistic, a tad exaggerated or hallucinogenic!

 
Here are some examples of such puffery:

DESCRIPTION             

 

"Cozy space"
"Partial water view"
"Ready to move in"
"Needs some TLC"
"Unique decor"
"Water-tight basement"
"Fixer-upper"
"Bring offers"
"Handyman's delight"
"Rich historical detail"
"Child-friendly neighbourhood"
"Dynamic location"
"Possible re-zoning"
"Pond potential"
"Hot re-development area"

"Trendy neighbourhood"
"Beautifully staged"
"Private location"
"Designer-ready"


TRANSLATION: REAL MEANING

 

No room is bigger than 6" X 8", head hits ceiling
Stand on a stool with a telescope to glimpse the lake
The front door is missing
Nuke it
Rooms are painted day-glow purple
Keeps the water in
Nuke it
Hurry, my listing is about to expire
Nuke it
7 layers of wallpaper and no garage
Lots of screaming toddlers, only a few drug-dealers
Built between a 6-lane highway and a clover leaf
After 20 year battle with the OMB
If you call in the guys who built the Aswan Dam
Crowded with new condos, not a parking lot in sight
Drifters and squeegee kids being replaced by lofts
White paint hides cracks, potpourri hides cat smells
You need a Sherpa guide to find it
Did I mention, nuke it?

"Cozy Space"

"Handyman's Delight"

"Dynamic Location"

OTHER WEBSITE: www.ltribbling.com

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